Hey Julia Woods
Join me, Julia Woods, a couples coach and wife of over 3 decades, as I share some of my client's stories and my own so that you can be encouraged, inspired, and gain new results in your marriage.
Hey Julia Woods
I thought his distance was my fault
Shane and Charity share their journey from deep connection as newlyweds to growing disconnection after military retirement, and how they found their way back to each other through a structured approach to communication. They reveal how transitions in life inevitably change marriages, requiring couples to "die" to their old relationship patterns in order for new, deeper connections to emerge.
• Married 10 years, both retired from military careers, experienced gradual disconnection despite deep love for each other
• Initially unsure why conversations felt one-sided and surface-level despite their efforts
• Charity felt resentful when trying different approaches to connect, while Shane was physically present but emotionally distracted
• Discovered the concept of "staying in your backyard" - focusing on what you can control rather than trying to change your partner
• Implemented a weekly "couple's connection" hour with a structured framework that includes dedicated connection time
• Created personalized "promises" to each other about their individual growth work
• Now experience greater empathy, creativity, and safety in their relationship
• Feel like "marriage nerds" who genuinely look forward to their connection sessions
"We must die to the marriage we have in order for a new one to emerge." Difficult conversations don't go away - they just get harder to have if we avoid them.
_______
💥💥Everything you need to grow the marriage you long for is waiting for you in the Marriage Growth Community:
https://beautifuloutcome.com/mgc-one-time-offer
🎁 Free Gift for you! 100 Prompts and Ideas to Connect with your Spouse!
🎁 FREE GIFT: Turn Defensiveness into Connection! https://beautifuloutcome.com/e-guide
_
👉 Take the free communication quiz! What’s YOUR communication type?! https://beautifuloutcome.com/communication-quiz
_______
Where you can find me:
INSTAGRAM: Connect with me at @HeyJuliaWoods
YOUTUBE: Subscribe to @HeyJuliaWoods
SHOP: Marriage resources in my storefront
RETREATS: Attend a Marriage Workshop
WEBSITE: Find more resources at BeautifulOutcome.com
FACEBOOK: ...
Welcome to hey Julia Woods podcast. I'm your host, julia Woods, founder of Beautiful Outcome, a coaching company focused on helping couples learn to see and understand each other, even in the most difficult conversations. On my podcast, I will share with you the real and raw of the messiness and amazingness of marriage. I'll share with you aspects of my relationship and the couples I coach in a way that you can see yourself and find the tools that you need to build the marriage you long for.
Speaker 1:Welcome to another episode of hey Julia Woods. I am so grateful that you are here and I am really looking forward to this conversation with this couple that I just met about two and a half months ago at Breakthrough. Actually, we connected about a year ago because, long story short, they were coming to Breakthrough and a hurricane derailed them, and so they came to the most recent spring one, and I am excited for you to hear a little bit more of their story and the results that they are getting in their marriage. They've been married 10 years, they have two adult children that are from a previous marriage and they live in Florida. They are retired from the military and yet have very busy lives it's Shane and Charity and yet have very busy lives in it's Shane and Charity, and Charity does soulful work with people in grieving processes and Shane works with the government, and so thank you, shane and Charity, for being here with us.
Speaker 2:You're welcome, thank you.
Speaker 1:And, if I remember right, you guys have animals, because that was one of the concerns in the herd. Yeah, yeah, ok, the dogs. Ok, good, all right. Well, thank you for being here, and I would love to get started by you just sharing, like kind of, what brought you to decide that you wanted to come to Breakthrough to decide that you wanted to come to Breakthrough.
Speaker 3:So we, when we first met, we had this relationship that it felt like there was no way that anything could could go wrong. There was never going to be any kind of argument and we didn't even really argue for the first couple of years it seemed like. And then little things would creep in. Little things would creep in and by the time it got to the point of us looking to come to breakthrough, for me I felt like very unseen but I was seen. It was so hard to explain to Shane that I felt loved by him, but I didn't feel like deep, deep, connective love that could last. It just felt frightening, Like I was a little bit scary of what the future could hold. And yeah, and we weren't having those like deep conversations, it was very like surface. How was your day? Like kind of routine, routine, routine and just not. Yeah, not much enthusiasm as a couple yeah, I think we did.
Speaker 2:We got a little disconnected and it was uh, it was more of a like a one-way conversation. When we we did have conversations, there was no questions and it seemed like there was no care, no empathy. So I think that was the biggest reason that we ended up coming up to the retreat.
Speaker 3:And we knew. I think one of the hardest things to trying to figure out for us was we knew we loved each other deeply but what was going on? And we were trying to each figure it out individually and then we'd try something like on each other, but the other person didn't know we were trying something. So it was just never looked at like that kind of connection. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Makes a lot of sense. So, um, lot of sense. So you began to realize that there was this disconnection, that there was something. You went from, this deep, deep connection that felt like I'm putting words in your mouth, but when I hear you speak it's like you guys could do anything together and go anywhere and be anything, and this love was, was deeply there. And then, as time passed, you began to feel the love getting shallower and shallower. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, I would agree with that.
Speaker 3:It kind of started, I would say, when I retired, because before I retired we were both in the Navy. We both could relate to each other's jobs. We had a lot of similarities in that, and when I retired it was I was going through my own, trying to transition, but then at home we were transitioning too, and as much as Shane was trying to help, it wasn't what I needed in that moment, and I feel like I was not able to give to him what he needed at that time, and so it was kind of this like gradual decline. It was definitely not something that just all of a sudden happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it kind of got a little. It got about the same when I retired, too, out of the Navy, where it was just a different lifestyle change that we were going through, because instead of me going to work and Charity being at home, it was now both of us at home and I wasn't. I guess I was trying to get another job just because I knew that a little bit of separation does good, but I kind of wasn't thinking about spending all the time that I could with charity before I did that.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, it's powerful because what you guys are describing is extremely human and it is a part of what actually strengthens a marriage. But I know, for my marriage, I had no idea this is what, how, how marriage works and how life works, and couldn't understand. Like you, I couldn't understand what was driving the disconnection. And so the context of what I hear you guys saying is that the marriage, the marriage that you created, the relationship you created when you first connected and got married. You built this beautiful way of being together and this is what the marriage was. You do this, I do this. This is how we connect, this is how we offer value to each other, this is how we need each other.
Speaker 1:And then transition happens, whether that is a career change, whether that is a move, whether that is a child moving out of the house, whether that is a loved one passing, job loss, all these transitions happen and it's like it shifts the marriage. The marriage shifts. It's no longer the context of all the connection rituals that you created, all of the expectations you had. That shifts in the relationship because, ultimately, you're shifting inside. You're now needing to call yourself up to the next level of who am I going to be. And yet who am I going to be if who I'm supposed to be is what this marriage is calling me to be and what I've created it to be? So if you can look at it like a snake that molts its skin many times in its lifetime, it's what a marriage does. The marriage that we had we grow out of, and transition is what brings us to grow out of that. But if we don't know that when we're in that transition we're going to experience a lot of messy emotions, and if we don't know how to have the conversations and hold a space for each other's messy emotions without making their emotions about us, then all of a sudden it's easier just to find time away from each other and let each other individually deal with your messy emotions, but then you don't know how to find your way back to each other.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, that resonates. Oh, yeah, absolutely yeah. And the good news it's going to happen again and again. Right, I often say we must die to the marriage we have in order for a new one to emerge. But that dying process, as you know, charity, there's a lot of grieving that goes into that and we don't realize that we grieve that. Wow, I miss coming home and sharing commonalities of what we faced in our day to day and, wow, I miss going to work. Right, like there's. There's all these things that we start to grieve but we don't know how to grieve it usually, and we don't know how to grieve it with our spouse and it can get pretty messy. So you guys got aware of this disconnection and you decided you were going to find resource. So how did that happen? Like, who found Breakthrough? Who brought it to who? Was it a fight to get the other to decide to come? Like what happened?
Speaker 3:So, to start with the last question, it was not a fight, which was a beautiful thing for me, because my first marriage, everything was a fight like this, and so it was like a constant me dragging the person somewhere, and so it was really important for me to not do that with Shane. I just I didn't want to find the place necessarily myself, I didn't want to say this is the one. And so when we talked about like hey, maybe a retreat would be nice for the two of us, I have been doing a lot of retreat stuff and traveling myself. He's doing travel for his job, but we weren't doing it together. And so when he agreed we were sitting one day looking together and that was something we had done early in our dating and everything was we'd sit together and look like on an iPad together on stuff.
Speaker 2:I think it was like on a Sunday or something. We were sitting at a couch just kind of scrolling through, looking around.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we started looking and we found, you know, and we started, you know, looking at everything. I went to college in virginia, so I have a really um huge tie with the valley area and we're this is gonna sound a little wild, probably but we're scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and all of a sudden it showed a picture of the area where we were at the farm and it showed like that barn area that we were in for breakthrough. And all of a sudden I stopped, I took like this, and I ran upstairs and Shane just knows that when I have these moments, these like spiritual, almost like moments, it's just going to be a guess, because somewhere or another we're coming back to it. And on my vision board for this year, I had a picture that looked exactly like that structure and I didn't know why I put it on my vision board, but it was just beautiful. And so I put it on there and I showed Shane and he's like, okay, let's sign off.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't a difficult decision for me, because you know something that can get us back together in a beautiful place like that. Sign me up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is such a beautiful property. I often tell Buddy and Joe, who are the owners of the property, it's like when I drive onto that drive, I just exhale. I just exhale from life and it is about focusing on what matters and I just love that about that property. Yes, it's beautiful. So what happened for you guys? Like, what do you recognize? What did you recognize at Breakthrough that was blocking you from connecting in each of you, like in yourself, what did you recognize? This is what I was doing that was blocking the connection.
Speaker 2:I think for me it wasn't the real connection with Charity. It was more like I wouldn't ask those questions to go deeper into the conversation. So I was always distracted. I lacked eye contact with her and really paying attention to what she was saying and how she was saying it. And really paying attention to what she was saying and how she was saying it. That was my biggest, you know, the biggest thing that I wasn't doing for our marriages.
Speaker 1:I wasn't paying attention to charity. Can you tell me more? Like, what do you think was driving you? Because we make the best choice we see available to us according to how life occurs to us. So the best choice you saw available was to be distracted. So why do you think that was?
Speaker 2:That's a really good question, because I can't really tell you. I don't know if it's the job or the transition that Charity was going through with kind of changing her or our business up a little bit, but I tended to find myself really distracted, like with, uh, electronics or whatever. You know, I'm beat in the room, but I wasn't really in the room for her. It was kind of like I was, I was listening but I really wasn't paying attention and comprehending what she was putting across the board, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what did that feel like for you, charity, like, what did that mean to you when he was?
Speaker 2:distracted and you were sharing with him.
Speaker 3:Hmm it was really painful. I felt like and this is you know where some of my my um, old self, all that kind of stuff comes back up it's. I felt, um, like I had done something wrong, like I'm not communicating well, I kind of put a lot of it on myself and um, and then at the same time I was hearing but if you put it all in yourself, then that's like your first marriage, then you're leading everything, and um, so I felt confused and I'd try the like the techniques that I knew. I'd try to speak calmly and share.
Speaker 3:I feel like this when you and it would be, oh, okay, and so I just didn't. And then that was the point where I didn't know what to do with it and I'd just start. I felt almost like a volcano inside and I'd try and I'd try, but the lava kept bubbling and bubbling and bubbling until, you know, we'd be like an hour into this conversation about I don't know why you're not listening about what I'm talking about, about the sun, or something it would be something that seemed not even important, would take all of that energy to just and it would never really be solved, like I would never walk away from it feeling, okay, we did something, we like solved a puzzle together.
Speaker 3:It was more like, okay, we're just exhausted and let's ignore this and we'll move on. But it doesn't move on. It just kind of keeps building it does, it does.
Speaker 1:Difficult conversations don't go away, they just get harder to have. Yes, yeah, and I think that's powerful Charity, that acknowledging of that anxious attachment that's like, well, and it's really at the heart of codependency, is the way that we connect the stories we make up. And, when we make up that story, that if I could just say it different, if I could just, you know, maybe find a different time of day, maybe do it this way, then he would pay attention to me, right, but it's actually nothing about what you're doing me, right, but it's actually nothing about what you're doing. It's about something deeper that's going on, that is wanting to be revealed. So I think a lot of people can resonate with that. I know I can for sure. And it doesn't go away. You just get familiar with it and you can notice, oh, I'm doing that thing where I'm trying to change me so that I can, you know, conform to what they need in order to give me what I'm desiring, rather than just sitting with hey, I'm lonely. What's missing here?
Speaker 3:And that's exactly that is what happened for me was, during that time I noticed I was like falling back into my codependent habits and so I would go okay. Well, maybe if I start back to my codependents anonymous meetings, like that'll be better. But then I started feeling like angry that I was going to those and I was trying to shift, but the conversations weren't shifting. I was just trying to be more patient with them and I'm like, wait a minute, it feels one-sided. So I started to get really resentful towards Shane and I feel like that's where my disconnection came with him was. I felt so much resentment that I was trying all these things and I felt like he wasn't these things and I felt like he wasn't yeah, and I didn't know how to say that without saying it like that and having it just be really mean.
Speaker 3:Um and so then I stopped going to my because I was angry about it and, um, what I found at breakthrough is that is something that I have to do for me, because that's me cleaning my home backyard up. Whether or not he does any of that, it doesn't matter, because all of my relationships are impacted if I don't attend those meetings, if I don't hold myself accountable to that. The standard that I'm already at, you know I don't need to split back if I'm constantly doing the work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is. That's a powerful shift, in that I'm doing these for you in order to get you to connect with me, versus I'm doing these for me so that I can connect with me and then connect with you.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that's why the promise that you know was so, the promise we made to each other leaving Breakthrough, was so important and it was beautiful. Because you know, in that way of well well, you can't tell me what to promise you like that that was like super powerful, because I feel like both of us could have those things for each other, like, oh well, you do this and then I'll feel better and you'll feel better, but instead, staying in our own backyards and cleaning up our own stuff, um, my promise was to attend one CODA meeting and be on camera, because I also would have that tendency oh, I'll stay off camera and then all the phone would bling or oh, this would happen. And no, I'm going to be super present because I want this for me and I want this for us. I know that it's helping and I feel a lot better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so on camera? Is that because Shane travels a week out of the month? Is that what you're talking about? Like you would stay on camera in those times where he's traveling.
Speaker 3:I would stay on camera during my codependent anonymous meetings, whenever they were, because I would focus on my promise, like if I, if I even turn the camera off for a minute, I feel like I'm like doing something. I'm like, oh, shane's going to be around the corner. This is my promise. Like I told him, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do it. So okay.
Speaker 1:So there's quite a few things to unpack there and I want to come back, shane, to what opened up for you during breakthrough. That began to help you with the distraction piece that you were noticing you were contributing. So Charity you've mentioned a couple of times staying in your backyard, cleaning up your backyard. Those who have been listening for a while they know what that means, but in case we have a new listener, I just want to share what that means in regards to.
Speaker 1:I view marriage like a neighborhood, and two people are the spouses, are next door neighbors, and you each have your fenced in backyard, and in your backyard is your thoughts, your beliefs, your feelings, your reactions, your attitudes all of the things you actually have control over. And in marriage, we often stand at the fence, looking into our spouse's backyard, telling them how they need to change what they're feeling. They need to change what they're doing. The whole time, our back is turned to our backyard, which is and we're not doing our work, which is what we actually have the ability to do. So staying in our backyard is one of the if it's not the biggest, I think it is the biggest key to thriving in marriage.
Speaker 1:Is you got to when something's not going the way you want it to go. Okay, what am I up to? What's going on over here and what am I contributing to what's not going on? And that's very different than oh, I'll be a, I'll change to this so that I'll get connection from them. Being in my backyard helps me connect with oh wow, I'm lonely and I'm trying to manipulate and I'm not. That's not who I'm committed to be. I'm committed to be honest. So let me just have an honest conversation and express I feel lonely. Can we talk about what's missing here that comes out of working in your own backyard?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, shane, what did you discover at Breakthrough that really brought you to shift, being distracted?
Speaker 2:I think it brought back the connection that Charity and I had within the first two years, where it was like we're inseparable, we were called a power couple, um, and and I just saw that in her face when we were having like the first or second uh breakout conversation um, you know, just sitting on the uh sitting next to the water on a blanket and just you know, it's nothing but her and I that's that's what I saw. So it just kind of sparked the oh hey, this is, you know, something to work for, uh, and it just kind of it brought it out of me that I wasn't connecting with her and it was more of the I was thinking with my brain when I was having conversations, but I wasn't thinking from my heart. So I wasn't thinking from my heart, so it wasn't acting from my heart, it was all just brain and it was kind of like you know, the the regular conversations that you might have with someone at work where you're like, yeah, okay, not really interested, is what I found.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, wow. So what I hear you saying is that being there in that setting and in that opportunity to share honestly and just for context for the breakout session. So breakthrough is set up in a series of five rounds and each round is you. I walk you through a framework to talk through any conflict and work through any conflict together, and so I give you a distinction in that framework. I open up an opportunity to get coached, if you need coached on that distinction, and then you go into your couples connection, where it's your time with each other. You have some guides as some things that I put to help you start the conversation, and so that's the breakout that you were talking about. That in that breakout, connecting with charity, the vision and the, the passion for your relationship reignited for you. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah, Like the first two P's. I think those were the ones that kind of slapped me back to reality right in our relationship because I wasn't doing those things, to actually pay attention to what Charity was saying yeah yeah, we didn't get that deeper connection when we were talking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense because the framework I walk you through is the five p's, so it's's five words that start with P, and so the first one is pause and the second one is presence. So that makes complete sense that they were bringing, inviting you to get present with her and pause the distractions.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that was 10 weeks ago now, from the day that, from the time that we're recording this. So what's happened? Because obviously a lot of people are like I walk out of a marriage event and I'm like, oh, we're gonna be forever changed. And then you go home and life kicks back in and you're like, oh, that didn't actually happen. What has happened for you guys?
Speaker 3:So I can say the last session when we left there, we went straight back to our Airbnb and signed up for next spring.
Speaker 3:So I mean, we were like we didn't even have to decide on it, we knew it whether it was out of fear of what was going to happen when we came back home, or whether it was whatever. It didn't matter what it was for. It was like we just know that we have to put ourselves first at least once a year. You know, at least come to something once a year for each other, no other reason. Just for each other and just for each other. And when we got home one of the coolest things we tried to do this ourselves before breakthrough we tried to set a time aside to kind of talk through things or whatever. But it was very difficult because we didn't have a framework. We didn't have like okay, how could this go? How could this structure be? Instead, it felt like either I was being controlling and pushing or it was just kind of um, tossed together in some way, like it just wasn't and it't, and we kind of missed a couple you know weeks and then forget about it and then come back to it.
Speaker 2:So it was kind of like an afterthought.
Speaker 3:Yeah. But after breakthrough we, on the way home, we were like, okay, we've said this, these promises to each other of how I'm cleaning up my backyard, of how she's cleaning up his, but what can we do together, like as a couple? And so we promised each other that we would have a couple's connection um one hour every week. And so we, we kind of sat down and figured out a structure. And then I did it myself, but I didn't feel like I was taking control. I said, can I like actually type it out? So we just have the framework every week it's right in front of us. And then we kind of tweaked it week by week. But what it consisted of was like five minutes of connecting with each other, either just sitting with breath or you know, like sitting face to face.
Speaker 3:Whatever it was, it was like five minutes and then we went through like the safety of okay, what is this going to be? Like no interrupting, like what's allowed what's not allowed in our conversations.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So we read it each week, we go through the five Ps each week and kind of refresh through our notebooks and then we have like the actual like meat of it, which is like the couple's connection, and this has been the most beautiful thing for me. My favorite part is that I'm allowing Shane to lead it and I trust him and now I almost feel like like scared, like I'm not keeping up. You know, like, oh my gosh, he's so good at this.
Speaker 2:We actually have fun with it. So we do it in our bedroom, but we do it on the blanket. So spread the blanket out and we've got all of our notes. You know, we've got everything and it's something to look forward to. And I think it's more of a presence in mind, because if I know that I'm going to lead it, I'm thinking about it all week long and I'm kind of like looking for stuff to do for the 50 minutes that we have set aside.
Speaker 2:Just for the connection. Instead of well, not instead of but instead of just going over you know, the five Ps and stuff like that, I get something that will force a conversation where I can find out more about charity and charity can find out more about me, and I think that's that's what I always look forward to. So, yeah, weekly, we sometimes like, if I travel, we double it up. So she will do it like on a Wednesday and then I'll do it on like the day before I leave. So we have that connection when I leave and then when I come back, it's right back on board with doing it. It's something that we share in our calendars, so there's no way you can forget about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and at the end of it I mean, we talk about, you know, do we have anything to negotiate about our promises or anything like that? So we leave space for that and um, and then we schedule it right then, and there the next one.
Speaker 2:we don't leave and go, oh, we'll do it later we don't leave until it's actually scheduled and we're both on board with it.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we feel a little like marriage nerds but like we love it.
Speaker 1:Well, you love each other you love each other.
Speaker 2:That's the key. Yes, there are times where the date and time that we put needs to shift a little bit, but we just talked about it. We're like, hey, are you good with just doing it like oh, saturday three o'clock instead of Friday at four, because something just came up? And we're like yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:And before, if there would be anything where I don't know we were doing something together and we'd need to shift it. Almost felt like if Shane came to me and said, oh, I need to shift it. Almost felt like like if Shane came to me and said, oh, I need to shift it, I'd be like, oh see, he's not into it, like he's not really like connected and vice versa, you know. And so now it's just this very respectful, trusted conversation that we have now. So Beautiful.
Speaker 1:So what's that doing in the when you're not in your connection time? What's happening, what's the results of that in your day-to-day interactions?
Speaker 2:for me, I feel a lot closer to charity, uh and uh, the empathy is uh through the roof. So it's more like you know there's. There's those times where you get the phone call from your wife or husband and you're kind of like, man, I don't really have time, I don't even think about it. It's like phones on whatever I'm doing, I'm dropping a fight. You know, if I'm not, if I can at least answer my phone, if I see it I'm there for. But before I was kind of like you know what. I'll call her back because I'm busy doing something, but right now it just makes me feel a lot closer to Charity, like, hey, I want to hear from her because she is truly my best friend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel I feel a lot calmer, I feel safer, like in conversations, like I can actually bring something up. Hey, when, when this happened, it made me feel this way, and it's heard, um, yeah, so I feel seen and heard, and so, in that, it just it's allowed me to feel more creative. I'm a very like creative person too. I've been a professional musician my whole life too, and so it's's like this. This creativity is important, and before I felt like it was smoldering out because I was, you know, it was like that volcano.
Speaker 1:Again, it was like it was smoldering out my creativity because I was so concerned about trying to connect and connect, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's amazing the difference that really being connected with our spouse, it like the sun is just brighter, it just life just different. Even when life's challenging, when you feel that connection with each other, it's just there's still a skip in your step when you feel that connection with each other.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:Well, I am just so grateful and honored to get to be a part of what's producing this level of connection for you guys and bringing you back not even back to what you've known, but beyond what you've known, in a way that the future can be even better than you imagined before, because you've overcome the obstacles together that you hadn't overcome in the very beginning. Not that you didn't overcome obstacles, but the obstacles of life, big transitions. It creates a big challenge for couples in their marriage and many don't ever wind up finding a way back to each other. It just gradually gets the disconnection grows further and further and further away. So thank you guys so much for sharing your story and for being. This may sound silly, I'm just going to say it just being so. In love like your love is contagious. In love like your love is, um is uh, contagious, and I'm hoping that that comes through for the guests listening, that they can see that it's possible and two people truly can be each other's best friend and greatest support to one another.
Speaker 3:So thank you you're welcome, thank you. This opportunity to you know just share to share, yeah.